my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
