Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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