Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
