11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
