Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize