so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
