Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
