i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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