this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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