hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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