Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
