How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
