I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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