I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
