I need help removing her.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
