girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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