life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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