eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
