there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
