Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
