and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
