you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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