the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
