he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
how does that bad decision feel?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
