Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
