It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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