this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
