Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
