I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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