take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
