$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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