just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize