Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
