Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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