does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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