is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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