Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
