Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
