i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
