What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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