Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
