i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
