Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
