so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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