i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
