It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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