we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
