His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
