Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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