marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
this beer tastes like vomit already
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
