My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
