nut hugger
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
