I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
