genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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