Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
