I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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