Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
