I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I could make wine with my vomit
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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