I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
