Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Randomize
