No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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