i wish my penis had a tongue
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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