One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
