I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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