If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
