shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
