i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
