Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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