So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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