hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This house was built for laser tag.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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