ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
