turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
