is your mom at the bar?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
