Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
