obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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