I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
